Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
