You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
