I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
