i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
