So drunk its hurt
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Randomize
