I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
