I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
