Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
