K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize