Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
