I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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