Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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