You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
