Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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