what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
