dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
