how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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