so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
