She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
