her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
