How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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