I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
