Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
