It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
