I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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