I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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