We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
