Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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