She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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