2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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