yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
