I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
