at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize