So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
