That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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