so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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