Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
