The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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