i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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