yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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