ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize