2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
