um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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