oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize