After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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