I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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