I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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