She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
