Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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