Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
