Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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