2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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