strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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