She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
