I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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