This is not my ceiling
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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