if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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