It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
