glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
