I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
