Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
