apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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