I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
