yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
