wat bout pragnant strippers??
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
