Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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