I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
