So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
