So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
