I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
