He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
