the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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